Summer Lovin’

Posted by James Findlay on March 14th, 2010

What is it about summer that ramps up our sex drives? Is it the extra spare time, the longer days, the unstoppable partying, or all of the above? One thing I especially connect with summer is the summer fling. Don’t tell me I’m the only one experiencing this either. I’ve got Sandy and Danny on my side.

For the past few summers, I have successfully managed to get into a mini relationship only to bring it to an end by the time February or March comes. The worst thing is, they are always really nice guys and don’t really deserve to be dropped when summer is over – totally a chance thing – not because I have a rule that I can’t date anyone once the days get shorter and the weather gets cooler.

Why does this happen though? Is it because we are more social in summer, and we spend more time with each other than you would during say, winter? All this extra seeing each other causes the relationship speed to increase dramatically, and we all know moving fast into a relationship is probably going to cause an undesired outcome. It’s like the relationship runs its lifetime at a mega pace, only to come crashing to an end prematurely.

When I wrote this, I found myself in another possible summer fling. Very nice guy, smart, attractive, mega huge dick and fucking AMAZING sex. I actually thought it could turn into a “real” relationship too, but in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think that it was going to be another dead end – just like every summer relationship.

Now I feel like I’m going to come across this problem every year. That anything I start in summer is only going to be a summer fling. It seems I’m not the only person who loves a good summer fling or romance either.

Recently I read that “January is the most popular month for break-ups with a survey showing 40 per cent of relationships are on shaky ground”. I think it’s safe to blame summer flings for this too, right? I sure can. One of my friends is having an affair with a taken woman as I write!

Now, just because I’m pretty much blaming summer for people cheating, it doesn’t mean you can go out there and do it next time the season comes round. God – no wonder there was so much drama in the continuous summer set of the OC!

The most embarrassing part is telling people that you might be going into a relationship, only to have them ask you about it weeks later for you to admit failure.

But hey – summer flings are certainly fun while they last, aren’t they!

Personal Grooming – Gone Wrong…!

Posted by James Findlay on March 4th, 2010

We all like to keep ourselves neat. A clip here and a clip there does not go astray, so after it was suggested I could go a little bit further, I did. But – perhaps I went a bit too far.

Now – men’s personal grooming has been around for some time now. Gone are the days where men let everything grow wherever they damn well please. I’m not only talking about the gays here either – I’m talking straighties as well. The day I came home with my new clipper machine, my housemate had clipped his chest hair… with the household scissors. I suggested he might want to invest in something a little safer.

Now – the clipper was great! It had different adjustments for different lengths, which is perfect for your chest, and then down there… However, while feeling pretty damn good about myself in the process, I also got a little too excited and well, decided to grab out the razor…

As I NOW know – this is NEVER a good move. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was impressed, and so was the boy. Everyone was happy! Until 5 days later. Welcome to regrowth HELL.

Oh god. It’s terrible. NOW I know what women go through all the time. Although I do hear it gets better the more you do it [not to mention one must ALWAYS wax – NOT shave] After consulting a couple of friends [and thousands of listeners on the brekky radio show] I was told to exfoliate to prevent ingrown hairs [NIGHTMARES!] Thank GOD I know a nurse to who told me that was NOT a good idea for this region.

“Just apply the sorbaline and leave it alone!” he said. Ok – sure – that doesn’t seem too bad?! Mind you, I’ve also been told this could last for a whole week. I don’t think I’ll get through without wanting to remove all body hair permanently.

Anyway – I’m pretty sure I’ve learnt my razor sharp lesson. Permanent hair removal isn’t that expensive, is it?  Next time I think I’m gonna go for the professional wax. You’ve got to try everything at LEAST once, don’t you? Apparently it’s “just like driving a sports car. You grab the stick shift and you go!”

Gulp.

Hold That Orgasm! *Straight Men – LISTEN UP!*

Posted by James Findlay on February 18th, 2010

I’ve recently been worded up on a trend sweeping through our nation. No, it’s not cider, amyl, or lesbians with an amazing sense of style [although – all true]. It’s something MUCH worse, which however, does not affect me, or really worry me, one single bit. Apparently, straight men aren’t as bad in bed as they’re made out to be. APPARENTLY straight women are HOLDING THEIR ORGASM!

Yes – as ridiculous as it sounds, women are not only waiting to marry ‘the one’, but they’re also holding their orgasm for them as well. For as long as I can remember, all we hear from women is “he cums too quickly” or “he can’t get it up for long enough” or, “he can’t get it up at all!” Now – this exposé on secret women’s’ business is answering some of men’s long standing predicaments.

“They feel like they need to keep it for someone special”, explains one of my friends, as I started to wonder if she was on board this hopeless train to Nopleasureville. “God NO! I like to enjoy my sex!” she exclaimed.

Thank GOD this is not becoming the new ‘must do’ sex application. As if straight men don’t feel inadequate enough! At least if the woman doesn’t cum, they can put it down to not being ‘the one’ instead of them just being completely shit in bed. That’s encouraging…

But poor guys. As soon as I’ve confronted my straight counterparts on the topic, all the responses I got were “Gee – I wish I could hold an orgasm all through sex…” ‘Cause lets face it, a lot of us would last a little longer… although no one wants to last forever!

At the end of the day though, I’ve been told, “there’s no problems if everyone cums”…
But it looks like there are a lot of problems in straighty-land.

“Don’t Touch Me!” : PDA – Yay or Ney?

Posted by James Findlay on February 10th, 2010


I’m a pretty touchy/feely person, but recently I’ve come to realise not everyone might be so into touching in public. Personal displays of affection [commonly referred to as PDA] is something that is just natural to me, whether it’s with my friends, the person I’m dating or a complete friendly random, a kiss on the cheek or a touch of a hand can be ‘quite continental’… So you can imagine my shock when I was pushed away when I was about to plant a kiss on the cheek of my date.

This totally took me by surprise, because it wasn’t as if we were outside a pub on King Street at 4am on Saturday night, or a group of nuns outside a church… [I’ve done that before – it was rewarding too btw…] We were outside an empty train station on a Sunday afternoon. Little did I know, he was totally against PDA.

Now, I’m all for PDA, but I do know there is a line. Dry rooting outside the State Library, for example, is crossing the line. But a hand on the others hand at a café? That would seem ok? Nope – seems I was wrong again…

This has become hard for me because touching is one of the main ways to feel each others connection. For me, it shows the affection you have for each other in public, and everyone can see it. Holding hands is one of the things I love most. I remember holding hands with a boy down a street in the Melbourne CBD one night, and it was one of the most rewarding feelings in the world.

There then comes the argument whether the ‘no PDA’ issue is a gay thing or not. I started to think it was, and not wanting to show public displays of affection was because one did not want to be targeted, but I’ve since been corrected. “I HATE public displays of affection” says one of my friends who had a relationship lasting years. “You never saw us affectionate in public, did you!?” He was right. “It wasn’t as if we didn’t love each other”, he continued.

So, I suppose it comes down to the individual and what they’re comfortable with. As for me, I’m still practicing my self control and trying not to push the boy against the wall in the middle of a shopping centre.

The thing is, we all know my self control is… non existent… It’s certainly a learning curve…

Welcome: Insecurities

Posted by James Findlay on February 2nd, 2010

Note to self: Don't attract Jennifer Aniston's bad luck

Recently I’ve done something I don’t do regularly. No, it’s not topping, fisting, or sleeping with women [let’s be honest – none of these are likely]. It’s dating someone I’m actually interested in… and it really freaked the HELL out of me. Who knew seeing someone you were interested in would be so… mind scrambling?

You see, watching movies, TV shows and celebrities makes dating and starting a relationship look so easy. But all we have to do is look at poor Jennifer Aniston to see that it can make your life hell. GOD – reading about Jen’s love life makes you never want to date again! Oh Jen, how can one person have so much bad luck?

But what’s so scary? I think it’s what you find out about yourself when you start dating someone. For example, for some reason I become seriously jealous if my date checks out other guys and comments on their hotness. Apparently though, he’s not “suggesting a threesome” – but hey, he may as well. He’s got to have SOME kind of taste if he’s walking beside me… [come on, I’m not being totally serious].

Then there are the little things. The second guessing… Am I being too needy? Should I have not sent that text message? Should I call now? Am I being unrealistic? What the hell am I going to play from my iPod?! – JAMES – GET A FUCKING GRIP!

The thing I’m most scared of is letting myself be completely exposed. What if he finds out who I really am, and realises he’s not interested anymore. After mentioning this to a friend, I was told “James, if he’s reading your blog every week, I’m pretty sure he has a pretty fucking good idea of who you are…”

Good point. And after reading this one, I probably won’t be hearing from ANYONE in a while. But hey – I’m only human. Don’t we all feel this?

I’m just not that into you…

Posted by James Findlay on January 23rd, 2010

It continues to amuse me how much some people push to get a date these days. I’m not blowing my own horn here by the way, although it may sound like it. I’ve just got to the point where I’m beginning to re-think the way I approach [or not approach] boys.

For me, if someone blows me off once, I’m pretty much out of there unless they try hard to get another date. For me, a first date postpone is pretty much a first date cancel. Unless of course there is a DAMN good excuse to miss the opportunity to have my company… and I’m talking like, there’s a death in the family. Being simply “hung-over” does NOT qualify. Sorry.

There’s been one guy who I’ve been blowing off for months [keep your minds out of the gutter people!], mainly cause I’m just not really that interested. CLEARLY – or else I would have gone to the effort to see him.

… and I DO make an effort if I want to. If I want to see someone I actually like, I will do whatever I can to make time for a half hour beer after work. Even if it does turn into an hour… or an hour and a half :p

But some people just DON’T get the point. This morning I woke up to a message from the guy who thought it was ok to remove a condom during sex and not tell me… Is he fucking KIDDING ME?! What makes him think I’m ever going to want to see him again?!

But does persistence pay off? It’s something that I’ve always thought about. And when does persistence turn into annoyance. The line could be thinner than we think. I think it’s important to not over think this though, as over thinking every situation when dating can be very dangerous. Just ride the wave and enjoy it – you never know where it will take you.

Just do yourself a favour and use your gut instinct.

Oh, and if someone ignores your messages, it’s probably for a reason.

“Bang Bang Bang, On The Wall” – My Poor Housemates

Posted by James Findlay on January 10th, 2010

Hearing other people having sex can be a little embarrassing. But who is more embarrassed? The person who hears you, or the screamer? Ok, sometimes it’s not the screaming or moaning that people hear, but rather the banging of the bed-head against the wall. [Although the thong I have between the two still doesn’t give the desired effect of sound dampening…]

Now, living in a sharehouse of 5 OTHER people, there must be times where each of us would hear the odd wall banging or whore moaning, but no, it seems my housemates practise in something called “respect” and either take the sex somewhere else, or don’t practice in it at all. Fair enough, but I’m not that considerate, however I DO take advantage when no one is here, or make sure the act of passionate penetration is quite if my housies are home. Especially my poor housemate in the room next to me. I’m not a complete arsehole.

I was mistaken once on how thin the floors happen to be though, with one housemate having to turn the TV up once from downstairs. Whoops.

Oh – did I mention all my housemates are straight? Yeah, boys and girls. I’m the token gay.

Anyway, recently I ran into a case of bad timing. When I got home, there was no one in the room next to mine. Great, I thought – I wouldn’t have to worry about the bed head situation [too much]. What I didn’t think of though, is the fact that the two boys boarding in there at the time might happen to come home…

So right at climax I see a light below my bedroom door, and a hear some moving about… Shit, I thought whilst still riding away… But it was too late, they’d already switched the light off and as it turned out, moved the mattress downstairs to sleep. The thing is; I wouldn’t be so concerned if it was only the banging they heard. I was more embarrassed the last thing they heard was “oh yeah, I’m about to cum”. The poor boys. They’d never lived with a gay before – what an initiation.

In the end, the boys couldn’t be better about it. Lets face it, they were more embarrassed than I was, and all I could say was “Ran into a bit of bad timing last night, hey boys”… in which they replied “… at least someone in here is getting some!”

Like A Virgin

Posted by jamesfindlay on December 29th, 2009

"Yeah, it was God! Seriously! I'm not a whore!"

I have nothing against virgins, except they’re usually not that good in bed – but can you blame them? I also have nothing against people who choose to be virgins – except I certainly don’t understand why the hell they’d want to miss out on something so fun and healthy… But when I came across someone older than your virgin average, it got me thinking – WHY?!

And I mean virgin in the sense one hasn’t penetrated OR been penetrated. He must be good at sucking cock. This particular young man turned out to be 28 years old and a virgin. Far OUT – what’s that in GAY years! He said he wanted to save it for someone special, and that’s fair enough. But perhaps this ‘special person’ could have been his last boyfriend whom he dated for ONE YEAR? No, apparently that guy wasn’t special enough considering the boyfriend ended up cheating on him.

But could you blame him? If your boyfriend refuses to have sex with you after being together for a year, surely that begs the question “what’s wrong with me!?” Turns out things got messy when Exhibit A walked into his house to find 6 of his mates with his [now ex] boyfriend having a mass orgy. Hot. [I mean, that’s a shame…]

Speaking of virgins, if a virgin I was dating told me that he [or she in this case] was pregnant from some spiritual being – I’d sure tell them to fuck RIGHT off! What a load of bullshit [Christmas reference]

One of my mates then alerted me that there are CLUBS of people who exercise in… not exercising… And sure enough, I came across a Chastity Club [I’m not talking about the one on Glee]. “The New Revolution is Here” claims the website. GOD HELP US! [well, he’s helping them I’m assuming]
“Within the pages of Chastidy.com you are going to find blunt, honest, and uplifting reasons why you’re worth waiting for”
I’m guessing you’re NOT going to find links to several porn sites to help you through it though.

The website also kindly offers advice from “David Morrison , who lives with same-sex attractions, and chooses to follow Christ”.

I just threw up.

Happy New Year.

The Convenience of Porn

Posted by jamesfindlay on December 17th, 2009

This is not porn, but a HOT MAN

At this time of year, who has the time to go out? Who has the time to meet up with people? Who even has the time to have sex!? I remember the time when I was on uni holidays, and all we did was go out, have a few drinks, and take someone home. Oh, what’s that? It was just me? Lies! All LIES!

But no, seriously, porn can be pretty great, cant it. Whether it’s first thing when you wake up in the morning, or late at night when you’re trying to get to sleep, you know the one thing that will be there for you will be porn. Sure, it’s not the same as having a REAL person but hey – it will do for the moment.

There are a few things that really piss me off about finding porn on the internet though:
•    Music in porn. It’s GOT to go. No one wants to hear a soundtrack worse than the Queer As Folk soundtrack drowning out the sounds of boys moaning. Seriously – it’s really important.
•    Guys who aren’t into it. We don’t like it in person, so why would we want to watch it in porn? Surely these producers can find actors good enough to do that…
•    “Broke Straight Boys” … sure – it’s great to watch, but – these guys don’t act ‘straight enough’ I don’t think…
•    Too much foreplay. If I wanted to watch this, I’d do it myself. On top of that – usually [and I’ll speak for myself here] I’m watching porn cause I don’t have a lot of time. Please take me straight to the fucking.
•    … and on that – mix it up a bit! Don’t keep the same angle the whole time!

Oh wow… I’m finding out I actually have more issues with porn than I did in the first place. Perhaps I’m not looking in the right places.

Now, if you excuse me, I’ve got to get up early in the morning, and there’s something I need to take care of.

That’s a deal-breaker, Ladies!

Posted by James Findlay on December 13th, 2009


In the past week I’ve come across some real deal-breakers. Now, one could say I’m being fussy here, but there are just a few things I can NOT deal with. Sure there are your usual deal-breakers like, he wears socks to bed, or he calls his parents ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’, but this week I’ve noticed I might be a little bit of a stuck up bitch.

It all began when I stayed over at a boys place, and he switches on Sunrise first thing in the morning. Sunrise!? I thought the only people who loved Mel and Kochie that much were our ‘friends’ out in Caroline Springs.

The next day I was having a heated discussion with a gay atheist young liberal. I was shocked, but if you think that’s bad enough, he continued to call The Age the “Spencer Street Soviet” and called Catherine Deveny’s writing “too sarcastic, boring dribble”. WHAT?! NO ONE mouths off Deveny and gets away with it.

He continued to defend people who choose to stay in the closet. I closed the chat window.

The same thing happened a week ago at a voting booth. I met a VERY attractive boy handing out how-to-vote cards for the Liberal Party. What a shame… After we got chatting, it turns out he was gay AND religious! The poor thing! He had no chance. I planned to meet him at The Peel that night anyway…

This got me thinking, what else classes as a deal-breaker?

  • Sneaks you in the house to avoid his mother? Deal-breaker
  • Owns mint condition Pokemon action figures? Deal-breaker
  • Has “Sex on Fire” as a ringtone? Deal-breaker
  • Likes the song “Sex on Fire”? Deal-breaker
  • Has a personalised ringtone? Deal-breaker
  • Born-again Christian? Deal-breaker
  • Reads the Herald Sun? Deal-breaker
  • Loves Crown Casino? Deal-breaker

… really, we could go on all day…

So, am I being a picky bitch, or is there a point where you go – NUP! That’s ENOUGH!?

What are your deal-breakers, people!?

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