This week I’ve come across the issue of open relationships. I think they’re fucked. THERE – I’ve gone straight into it. But the thing is, when talking to people about the idea of open relationships, not everyone is on the same page. Sure – most people agree with me, but the idea of relationships in general can be challenged if you really think about it.
“Who says you need to be with the same person forever anyway?” one of my friends has said, at the same time, confronting her own beliefs and confusing the issue with it even further. “If you separate sex and love, you can be in love with one person, but then just fuck whoever you want – that sounds pretty good to me”, says another friend. And I began to agree with them … for a few minutes…
One friend put her foot down at the idea. “It totally destroys the trust you have between you and your partner – even if you both agree to sleep with other people, the relationship you had with that person has already changed and I really don’t think it could be the same again.” And I tend to agree.
I’ve been approached by people in open relationships and been totally shocked – and amused – by the arrangements some couples have. One guy said “Yeah, that’s my boyfriend over there… I can do whatever I want, and so can he… but he doesn’t really get around like I do”. WHAT THE FUCK?! As confused about the situation as I was, we snuck over to my house and fucked before he had to return to the venue – and his waiting boyfriend.
But in the end, I really do think being with one person, sharing everything, and building a trust you don’t have with anyone else is something I want in the end. And when you are in love with a person and want to be with them all the time, there is no need to sleep with other people – I’d assume – you just want to sleep with them!
Having an open relationship is wanting the best of both worlds (it might work for Miley Cyrus but it doesn’t for everyone else), and to be totally honest [as per usual] I think wanting an open relationship is completely selfish.
If you want an open relationship, you don’t WANT to be in a relationship. But that’s just what I think… what do you think?
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My husband and I sleep with other people. We don’t do it very much, and mostly it is an orgy instead of separating from each other.
I sleep with women and am very happy to not have that option off the table because I am married to a man.
We talk about this all the time and it has actually brought us closer together and I feel really good about being trusted and totally trusting him.
I would never want an open relationship but I guess one way of looking at it in a positive light is to think: “If my partner has sex with people, and always comes back to me, this is a sign he/she must really love me”.
“If my partner has sex with people and always comes back to me”……that might not be the only thing coming back to you…… I trusted mine, and ended up getting The Clap from him! And you would think he woulda learnt……. His previous partner got HIV while they were still together! No thanks to open relationships!
I used to agree with you… then I found myself in a long distance relationship and was suddenly without sex for 6 months. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but we all have needs right? I started looking at other people and thinking they were hot and I wouldnt mind going them. So after quite an emotional conversation, we ended up in an open relationship… and suddenly, now that I was allowed to, it wasnt something I wanted anymore. I realised that the ‘needs’ that I had were for companionship and intimacy, not a root! and thats not something u can open in a relationship.
So, I’m back to agreeing with you – when you love someone with everything you’ve got, they are all you could ever want or need. So as much as 6 months without sex is bad (and its not over, theres at least another 6 months of it yet!) it’s the price I’m quite happy to pay for love
i’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and we’re in an open relationship and it’s great! We don’t sleep around often, we don’t need to, and only do so when the other is away or unavailable. It works fine for us, because we trust each other. You have to have rules, though: (1) Always be each other’s number one; (2) Always be honest and open about every encounter; (3) Always wear protection when sleeping around; (4) Always be there for your partner when they want/need you.
Hey James, I think maybe you shouldn’t judge what you don’t understand.
Dan
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