That's a Bit Gay!

This couple are going by the book...

This week, my left hand woman alerted me to an article in this month’s Cleo Magazine entitled “Bad Sex: and why you might be having it”. Quite different to the heading on the cover; identical to the title of this blog. However, after laughing at the magazine cover I thought, “surely it’s not THAT hard to realise when you’re having a dud root?!” So to find out what the hell these women were going on about, I bought myself a copy.

Now, before we get to my responses, I’ll give you insight to the cleverness which is, Cleo. Some examples were blatantly obvious and common such as; not knowing what your partner wants and walking away from sex unsatisfied, pleasure less, flat and disconnected. Nothing new, and hey – we’ve all been there.

The ‘journalist’ even went so far to suggest that if your man is “cooking, cleaning and wine collecting – you mustn’t be getting laid” – WHAT? Doesn’t that describe a dream man? Or aren’t dream guys good in bed? A story for another day…

I digress, but it got me thinking to what we might be doing to suggest we might not be enjoying sex. Here are just a few…

1. Taking a phone call
   One of my mates told me that he has not only answered the phone during sex, but said to the partner “hang on, won’t me a minute”, withdrew, and went out of the room to talk to his best mate. The thing I love most is the mate knew exactly what was going on, and said “oh – it’s that bad is it…”
   Note: This does not include the novelty of answering the phone during sex when both of you are in on the act.
2. Non-sexual task-masting
   I’ve once asked a boy to pass me a glass of water while he fucking me… to which he was quite surprised. “No – don’t get out! Stay in, and just reach over for the glass for me… yeah – thanks… ok – keep going…” Obviously my mind was elsewhere… which brings me to my next point.
3. Note taking
   Yes – I’m serious. Not only has one been thinking about work during sex, but was also compelled to say “hang on; I just gotta make a note about something…”

I’d like to offer an answer on how to start enjoying sex, but the problem is, if you’re already in the act – there’s not much you can do about it. If this is during a relationship though, you’re gonna have to approach the subject and talk about what you like, and what you’d rather not do.

Until next time – I’d love to hear some of your cringe stories!